So in thinking about this Bolivia thing, I spent some time with Jesus and I looked through some old journal entries. Apparently when I get really upset or really deep in the word, God inspires poetry. Here are two poems that I found and added on to that I don't think are half bad...

Queen of Expectations

You fail me.
Over and over again you do.
Why can’t you just do the things I want you to?
Why can’t you fit the mold I’ve prepared for you in my dreaming head?
If you would just follow directions and read my mind everything would work out wonderfully.
I mean it is all about me isn’t it?
It is all about the perfect picture of life I’ve created in my head right?
I’m a good person, I’m nice and do good things.
Why shouldn’t my fantasies play out in reality?
I deserve to be happy and that would make me happy.

Oh but you don’t know what those expectations are?
The purpose of life is not to please me?
The purpose of my life is not to be pleased by all around me?
How can this be? What more is there in life than to get everything you want?
That’s what happens in sitcoms and romantic comedies.

I guess maybe there’s more to life then dream fulfillment.
Maybe if I crucified these expectations I could find happiness.
Maybe then reality could be better than the fantasy.




Dear God,

My prayer life has been too many things.

Too much talking; not enough listening,

Too inconsistent; not enough regularity,

Too much complaining; not enough gratitude,

Too much doubt and fear; not enough trust,

Too much distraction; not enough focus,

Too much pain; not enough joy,

Too much fear of the future; not enough recognition of the present,

Too much of me; not enough of you.

But my heart wants to hear your voice and be embraced by your unfailing love.
Let my inconsistent, selfish voice please you as often as it can.
Calm my fears and ease my pain as well as the pain of those around me.
Most of all, quiet me as much as possible so that I can hear the loving voice of my true Father.